Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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