I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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