he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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