he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize