Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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