Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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