You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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