the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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