i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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