I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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