my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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