Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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