I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All the doctor said was why
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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