I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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