I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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