I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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