You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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