the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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