i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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