You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize