When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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