Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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