i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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