Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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