a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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