it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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