I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize