last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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