The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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