I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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