I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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