I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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