I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why is there bacon in the couch?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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