I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize