i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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