what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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