So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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