Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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