Im at strip club and am horny
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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