You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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