I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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