All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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