She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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