so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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