you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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