I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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