why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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