He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I pour the whiskey from now on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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