Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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