He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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